just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
