Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
