Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
