Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
