I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
