Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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