We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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