I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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