so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
