you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
