Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
