Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
