I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
