i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
