He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize