We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
