I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
