David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
