the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
