There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
