I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
