You can't motorboat a personality
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
