I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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