Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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