What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
