Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
