Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
