I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
