If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
only if we run a train.
done.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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