This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
