I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My pussy is not your playground.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
