His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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