The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
