Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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