craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will pee on everything he values.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
