Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
