Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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