What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
