She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
