look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
