im six kinds of drunk right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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