he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it glows. i had to have it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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