swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
