Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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