i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
