and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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