i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
