like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just tell him i said nine months
I think my fart just growled at me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
