I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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