take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
