yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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