Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
