Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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