toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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