you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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