Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
