Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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