How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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