maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
