his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
