I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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