He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
