Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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