I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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