You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
