I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
