Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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