You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
