This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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