College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
