party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drake has all the answers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
