I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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