Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
