never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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