this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
