oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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