I'm so fucking centered right now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
